let go. And let God.
Letting go of all the experiences, memories, pain, pleasures that I cherished and enjoyed. So much that I miss, and am going to miss. But am I worried? Worried about what's going to happen now? To her? To me?
I was worried. But I learned that being worried is pointless, and it'll only hold me down.
"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself..." - Matthew 6:31-34
I now don't need to worry about my future.. our future. Whom I'll be paired up with in the future. Because His kingdom, heaven, is my only concern. (: And everything else will be given to me by God.
Really.
Letting go is the hard part.. But the moment I let go, and obey and trust God completely, my life is in His hands, and I'll receive what He wants to give me. A new friend? A new car? Haha, kidding. But whatever He has in store for me, I'll take it, even if it's you or it isn't you.
As you said, this is the time to remodel, re-do our hearts. I've always told you I loved you. As you said, this time I need to redirect my love to God, and follow his command, to loving everyone, as myself. Including you, including everyone else. As you said, I need to love my parents, to the realization that they're the closest people I'll have closest to God. The people God selected to raise me, work hard for me, and bless me with.
I only have 1 1/2 years if God grants me the achievement of going to UCSD, or whatever college I'm headed to. 3/2 years to make the most amount of time I can with my family, my church, and my friends. 3/2 years to obey my parents good times and bad. 3/2 years to make the most of my time for God, before I head out on my own.
For you, I hope you're doing okay. This is a great opportunity for us to strengthen our faith, in every way possible.
I'm truly sorry. For not taking initiative, and not decided earlier, before your what happened with your mom, and your phone. Although I don't know the full incident. I'm terribly sorry for your DS, you didn't deserve it getting lost.
On that topic, I have things to give to you.
You're my best friend. (: Through our good times and bad, mostly great. But God wasn't my best friend. He was there, I still acknowledged Him, but I couldn't take the decision, when he kept knocking into my heart, saying, "Tim, I want to give you so much more than this. Don't let her get in the way with Me." I did let you go in the way most of the time, if not all.
To all the people reading this, I'm not religious. I don't just say things to earn brownie points with my God. I just want my relationship with Him, stronger.
This time, I'm going to let go, and let God, yeah? He's got this, not me. I'm imperfect.. I can't handle my relationships and situations. I'm only human, like everyone else. I need an everlasting, unconditional love.
All I ask are for your prayers.. (: Know I'll be fine.
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