Actually, I guess I won't be going home this weekend. I have no possible way of getting home, all my Temecula friends are staying here..

But I guess this is good. I have a midterm Tuesday that I need to study for.

Plus I guess we need some time off. Have fun spending your weekend with LOL people or your church, or whoever.

Once you're ready, please give the opportunity to talk to you.

Blocking me from your Facebook, not replying to anything, all based on one Tumblr post. One misinterpreted Tumblr post. Not giving one chance for me to explain. Real mature.

It was over for me and her a long time ago. Yeah, she really did like me and thinks that she loved me. But for me, not really. I'm not choosing to see her anymore, at all.

But Jen, what happened to last night's talk? Did you just decide to throw that away? As well as throw me away? Yeah, I know, you're seeking the Lord. I'm really happy you are. But it isn't right if your not applying grace in this. I really need you to talk to me. I don't want your feelings back, I just need you right now to listen.

I can't believe you're doing this to me.

You're shunning me away, only based on assumption from one stupid Tumblr post. Not even giving me a chance to explain.

Please give me a chance to at least explain. I'm not asking you to come back to me, I'm glad you want to give me up. But please... That song was meant for you. It really was. She thought it kind of related to her, and I only liked her post just because it let her know that I read it, she doesn't have many followers.

Jen... It's always been you. I know these words may mean nothing to you right now. But please, give me a chance to explain. I hope I can see you this weekend...

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:18

"He heals up the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." - Psalm 147:3

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." - Isaiah 43:18

Dang I said some stupid things in those messages. But I knew what God wanted for me, and I totally told her my view on things and relationships, and etc. I cut it off. There's so much more I wish I could tell you.

I really hope this fight for you will prevail. I must say, if it's not you in the end, it's still God's Will.

τυχαία στο σκοπό

Lord, make me the man you want me to be.

Reformed theology is very interesting.

Worship/Prayer night was amazing. It reminded me of LOL's prayer nights... just with 9 songs though. Lulz. But yes. It's been a while since I talked to God about everything, and prayed with brothers and sisters in Christ. Even though the environment is different than from what I'm used to, it was great regardless.

Yes, I was confused with feelings for a bit. Yes, I said it's stupid to act on something based on your impulse/emotions alone (with no reason). BUT I DID NOT ACT ON MY FEELINGS. At all.

Yes, I was confused with my feelings. I can't help them. But I set it straight. I didn't act on it. I stopped creating those situations where those feelings could happen. Because in the end, I know it's not God's Will for me to do that at this time in my life.

Because I didn't act on my feelings, there's nothing I'm hiding from you. I'M NOT HIDING ANYTHING. There's nothing I "chose" not to tell you. It's not like I'm choosing to have sex or kiss girls all the time. Cause I'm not. I'm being brutally honest.

But I do apologize. For pushing you aside, and treating you as if you'll always be there for me. I don't try to please everyone, really. I am praying for my character to grow. Lately I know God wants me to change my ways in college. So thanks for calling me out on that. I do know that people fail me and God doesn't.

I am sorry. Really I am. Just stop condemning me now, please. I know we deserve God's best when we seek Him. But stop acting like I'm the one for your faults. Stop putting a load of the blame on me. It's both of our faults.

Ignoring

doesn't really help.

"We're not right for each other... I don't know if you feel it too."

I'm sure as hell that I don't feel the same way. I don't know for a fact if we're right for each other or not. But don't be running off of your emotions saying "oh we're not meant to be..." blah blah blah. I'm not crossing you off, I'm just gonna see what God has in store.

If you really feel like we're not right for each other, come talk to me. Yes, I accept the fact that we both get in the way of each other. But that doesn't mean crap in terms of who's going to be the one in the end. We don't know it yet. Only God does. I feel like you just said that out of anger.

Yes, this doesn't look like God's best right now. But shunning me out of your life out of hatred isn't God's best either. Eliminating me from your future isn't God's best... I don't know what your sister is putting in your head.

Some closure would definitely be nice.

I understand.

I guess here's the post you've been wanting since you always check. Even though your words seem extremely harsh and you feel bitter towards me, it's fine. I understand. I know for a fact that we do use each other. To keep each other company. Maybe it goes with that saying, "I'm not in love with you, I'm in love with the idea of you." Who knows.

Yes, you do deserve an apology. And so do your parents and your sister. Although I am a bit mad right now, just cause it seems a little harsh. Yes, I understand. I know I should tell my dormmates the truth. I did tell a few of them that we're on a "break". No, I don't make it seem like we're friends with benefits.

I just feel like you got really mad out of nowhere. And your sister definitely contributed to that. Which makes me want to get angry at you and your sister.

But I won't.

About the ooVoo calls and text messages. I'm sorry. It's part of my personality that always wants to please everyone, whether its my friends or you. It's not always a good thing. I thought it was fine if we could just ooVoo on the side without any expectations. But I guess you had expectations.

My feelings for you? They can get confusing, but I do like you. I've always did. Even though proximity wants us to not like each other since we don't live close by anymore. But it's never about the feelings. It's always about the action. Persevering even if the feelings aren't there. And maybe I haven't been doing well with persevering through my feelings.

I do care. But this statement is meaningless without action behind it. So I guess now is the time to start. By ending this relationship.

It just seemed so sudden. So sporadic. And so harsh. I thought we were fine and everything to be honest.

But God says otherwise.

Well, hope you take care. Goodbye.